By the time, the third year at school had ended Yoshiki still often missed lessons. So he had a reputation of a "black sheep" in the class, and classmates often teased him.
"Yoshiki is too spoiled, that's why he is so weak."
The reason for this attitude was his constant absences at sports lessons, and also the fact that Yoshiki, living in a wealthy family, was given all he needed. He got immediately whatever he wanted. In his room there were a lot of new and expensive things, including Stereo turntable, set of vinyl discs, a microscope, a telescope and much more.
In addition there was an erratic behavior of Yoshiki himself. For example, he did not like to eat simple bread which was given at school for lunch. And he brought an electric toaster from home and not only used it himself, but gave it to other students to make toasts in turns. The class teacher was very surprised and forbade to bring toaster, explaining that some students might use a toaster, while others were not, which was inequality. Yoshiki silently listened to the teacher, and on returning home, he addressed his mother: "The teacher said that not everyone could use a toaster, and it was unfair. Since it is not good, I want to buy another toaster. "
After receiving the money, he immediately bought another toaster. The next day two toasters stood in the class. "Now everyone will be able to make a toast!" - said Yoshiki and applied for a teacher's permission second time.
"Wow, how spoiled he is!"
But Yoshiki absolutely paid no attention to the words of teachers. You should act immediately after thinking if you considered it to be right - defend your opinion to the end, break forth, paying no attention to the opinions of others - these character features of Yoshiki were inherited, of course, from his father.
Yoshiki's father also grew up in a wealthy family. Since childhood, he as well as his son took an interest in classical music and jazz, and when he grew older, he got carried away with dancing. He manifested an outstanding ability to step-dance (tap dance). He seriously studied dancing and began performing in the capital's dance-hall as a professional dancer. Vibrant actor with a memorable face had been noticed in the film world. He began to receive offers to star in a movie.
However, father inherited a fabric store, and had to leave thoughts about a serious career of the dancer and debut in the movie. After becoming a store owner, he got married at the age of 23 and when he was 24 his eldest son Yoshiki was born.
However, even busy with work, father had not lost the natural temperament. In the morning putting the pale, barely breathing Yoshiki in the front seat of his beloved Lincoln Continental car, he drove him to the school gate. During the day his father also often came by car by the end of the lessons and waited for Yoshiki at the school gate.
On seeing the luxury foreign car at the gate, out of which waiting for Yoshiki father peeped out, classmates kicked up a fuss. However, Yoshiki did not feel shy, on the contrary, he was very proud that his father came to meet him.
And he talked with Yoshiki, who sat in the front seat of a car, as if with a friend. Such conversations in his father's favorite car aroused great interest in Yoshiki.
Sometimes, sitting behind the wheel of the Lincoln, his father pointed at a big car.
"This machine is called the Rolls-Royce. In the future, your father is going to drive car like that! ".
And father spoke about the wonderful qualities of this car which was a symbol of luxury in the world. Father, who had always got what he wanted, seemed to Yoshiki the most reliable person. Active and determined, his father had always provided means for implementing not only his but also the entire family's desires. It was his father who was the most striking ideal of an "adult men" for Yoshiki.
And seeing the admiring glances of Yoshiki, father showed sons the most different features of his nature.
Working long hours, he never regretted the money on a hobby. Sometimes he danced inflammatory step before the sons, and sometimes spent time with Yoshiki in the hospital.
And Yoshiki just adored his father.
But once it happened so that Yoshiki was really scared of his father. This happened when he picked up a katana. Father collected katana and got some really well-known, very valuable blades. Many of the katana stored in the house, had a long history, many of them were decorated with engravings.
Once Yoshiki himself took one of the collectible katana, drew it from its sheath and began to examine the blade. Unexpectedly entered the room father looked at his son unusually harsh. Yoshiki thought that his father was angry because he touched katana without permission and he quickly put it in its place. However, father was not angry because of that. It was necessary to remember the special rules for handling a katana.
Standing in front of Yoshiki, father took katana with both hands, raised to his eye level and only then slowly pulled from its scabbard.
"The blade may lose its luster if you breathe on it. When you look at katana, you need to take it horizontally with two hands, rise to eye level, so that not to breathe on it and then slowly get out of the scabbard. "
Yoshiki exactly repeated every movement of his father. He was happy that his father told him, like a grown-up, all the subtleties of handling the weapons.
Of course, Yoshiki had not always been the model son. He did not avoid antics and pranks, appropriate at his age. Once Yoshiki decided to launch flying saucers and used his father's collection of vinyl discs for this, one by one, throwing them from the second-floor window. Soon the whole garden was covered with black fragments of the records, and Yoshiki felt the wonder and joy of novelty looking at them.
When in the evening father saw that all his discs were broken, for some reason he was not angry. He had rather enjoyed the courageous deed of his son, which impressed everyone around him.
Around the same time, changes in the physical state of Yoshiki began. Gradually he grew stronger, and even became interested in sports. In the fourth grade, of course, he still had to miss physical training lessons, but he had already started to take part in competitions.
Moreover, despite the strict prohibition of doctors, he took part in a school-wide competition in long-distance running. It was hard to breathe during the run, he felt a stitch in his side, but Yoshiki persistently ran faster and faster. Classmates, had not yet seen Yoshiki running, looked at him in amazement. He first took part in school competitions and ran a few miles, and was ranked highly. This strengthened his self-confidence a lot.
Suddenly his interest in baseball, which carried away all his classmates awakened, and he tried to attend training. However, he had never participated in such games, and quickly realized that he could not master a bat and a ball as his comrades did. And then he came up with a way to enjoy baseball, taking no part in the game.
"I'll be the referee!" - He suggested.
Making himself responsible for refereeing, Yoshiki participated in baseball games with other school teams on Saturdays and Sundays.
Toshimitsu, who had been Yoshiki's friend since kindergarten, was addicted to baseball too. With his extraordinary physique, Toshimitsu was the best in the athletic achievements.
Athlete Toshi and weak Yoshiki. However, they were close childhood friends, and happily greeted each other while meeting.
The assurances of doctors that asthma will be completely cured soon, cheered Yoshiki, who was leading more active lifestyle. He was still the smallest in the class, but now he could not be taken for a girl. At this time, he liked to study, and besides the usual classes, he attended classes in mathematics, drawing, calligraphy and English. Pursuing a course, he enjoyed meeting new friends.
And gradually he realized for sure that the time when he laid in a darkened room, and waited for the next asthma attack to stop, remained far in the past.
Lessons on the piano were also progressing well, and teachers were not surprised by his growing mastery as a piano player.
But Yoshiki played not only the piano; he became interested in other musical instruments. In fifth grade, Yoshiki joined a music club and began playing the trumpet.
By this time, Yoshiki could compose concertos for the piano. In the second half of the fourth grade he and his father often visited a music shop to purchase new sheet music and records. Here he had a chance to get acquainted with wind instruments. Looking through the sheet music for piano, he saw trumpets exposed in the store and told his father:
"Probably, playing the trumpet is not very difficult. I would try it. "
The family had a tradition that every year, Yoshiki received some musical instrument as a birthday gift .As a child, on receiving harmonica as a gift, he was able to play a tune on it right away, so it seemed to him that he could learn how to play trumpet the same easily.
"Well, try it" - replied his father, and in November he bought his son a trumpet for his birthday.
Receiving a heavy, silvery-shining instrument, Yoshiki immediately tried to play it. But in spite of his expectations, it proved to be quite difficult. Yoshiki, disparaging the trumpet before immediately changed his mind and leaving the piano exercises sunk his head in the exercises on the trumpet, to develop the necessary amount of lung volume to play a wind instrument. He did not leave the mouthpiece, till his lips had become numb and started to lose sensitivity. And gradually, instead of wheezing he produced clear as if piercing the air and going up sounds. And since he had already known musical notes, he could rehearse any melody.
By the summer Yoshiki was able to play the great number of tunes with confidence. Wind instruments club continued to work in the summer, so Yoshiki took part in rehearsals every day. During the trumpet play the diaphragm breathing was required, so his health strengthened even more.
However, it was this summer Yoshiki first time in his life faced with death. Surrounded by caring and thinking only about the future, the boy learned that very near, only at an arm's length, there was darkness, from which there was no return. And that unlucky day came unexpectedly.
August 1976. This day, Yoshiki, as usual, went to rehearsals in the club, but when in the afternoon he came home, he felt an unusual atmosphere in the house. Expecting to hear something scary, he could not move.
The house was full of relatives. In the large room a futon where his father laid motionless was spread. Mother, and younger brother Koki beside her, and other relatives turned their heads toward the boy came in. The faces of all people, except for a six-year old Koki, were in tears.
Someone from the family said to frozen Yoshiki:
"Father is ill. He fell asleep and can no longer wake up. "
When Yoshiki heard this, something seemed to explode in his chest, and stormy feelings burst out. Trembling shook his whole body. With broken from weeping voice he cried out:
"Why do you lie? Father is not sick! He's dead! That is why he is lying here! "
Yoshiki choked with sobs, and no one could calm him down.
And he did not know that his father took his own life himself. His mother noticed his absence the night before and was looking for him along with his family all night. Everything became clear in the morning.
The reasons for suicide remained unknown, what had happened was the perfect surprise for the whole family.
During the preparations for the funeral shocked Yoshiki together with his younger brother was taken to his relatives. But Yoshiki did not stop crying there. Younger brother Koki, looking at the elder brother's grief felt sorry for him and did not leave him for a minute. Six-year old Koki could understand only that something had happened to father. But looking at the tear-stained face of his brother he felt that this extraordinary event caused Yoshiki, who had adored his father since childhood, a heavy blow. And Koki had decided not to cry for the sake of his brother. If he cried himself, his mother and Yoshiki would be upset even more. And thinking about it, Koki struggled to hold back tears and clutched tightly his elder brother's hand.
Mourning ceremony gathered many people. The death of the owner of a thriving shop caused a wide resonance in the city.
Dressed in black, Yoshiki stood with his head down and seemed to shut his heart. Unknown so far pain had spread throughout the body. Emptiness in the heart was filled with a huge grief only.His whole body was heavy, as if filled with sand. Wiping his swollen eyelids and barely breathing, he was only able to gaze on one point to somehow endure the pain.
When the funeral started, Yoshiki, trying to escape from reality, remembered the past and dreamt about seeing his father one last time. He did not know why his father died, but listening to the speeches of many people who spoke about the separation, he realized what eternal separation meant.
When the farewell ceremony ended, it seemed for Yoshiki that time stood still and all senses were frozen, and only whirlpool of sorrow dragged him deeper and deeper.
Children were not told that his father committed suicide. The cause of death was declared a sudden cardiac arrest, which could not be foreseen.
Summer was over, the new semester started and the usual quiet life with his mother and younger brother began. Yoshiki said no one about his father's death at school - neither teachers nor classmates. Refusing to mourn the death, he wanted to get away from reality, in which he lost his beloved father and would never see him again.
And at home, feeling the presence of his father everywhere, he never spoke out loud about his death. After all, to say it would be to admit that his father was really gone. He remembered his father's smile with which he gazed at his sons, listening to their dreams for the future, and seemed to calm down.
But at the same time he was haunted by the pain that he would never see his beloved father again. And this sorrow laid like a heavy stone in his chest. Death was really too close.
"All people must die."
And Yoshiki still did not know that this awareness, frightening at first, could turn into a desire for death.
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